Off Balance - What are Core Habits?

What can you do, if done well and consistently, to contribute significantly to a more satisfied personal and professional life?

Answering that question is my assignment this week as I continue through a book I found at the library,  Off Balance - Getting Beyond the Work-Life Balance Myth to Personal and Professional Satisfaction by Matthew Kelly.  This a good time to go through this exercise because Darling Bride and I are wrestling with the issue of a simple life.  Our problem at present is trying to define simplicity.  If we knew what success looked like, then we could work toward our goal.  More on that in a few paragraphs.

Back to the book.  It lists 5 steps toward a more satisfying personal and professional life.  Step 1 was Assessment, knowing where I was experiencing dissatisfaction.  Step 2 was Priorities, determining what is most important to me.   Today I am writing about Step 3, Core Habits.  This step is committing to behaviors that "keep me happy, focused, and energized (page 124)."  Based on my priorities, the list:

1. Church on Sunday.  Our pastor has said, "a bad church teaches what to think, a good church teaches how to think."  Our good church keeps my family and me grounded in God, His Bible, and His people.  Other spiritual disciplines, like Bible reading and prayer, are encouraged here.
2. Breakfast with Darling Bride.  As blogged about here, a few minutes each morning together does wonders for us.  We're growing closer together because we have quiet time to talk.
3. Dinner with family.  Same for all 5 of us.  Intentionally sitting down together to enjoy each other's company.  Inhibits feeling as if anyone's a stranger in their own home.
4. Proactive communication.  A weakness I'm working on, striving to do better at taking initiative and making sure information gets to whoever needs it, especially with co-workers and clients.
5. Healthy, whole foods, especially water over soda pop.  Amazing what "real" food over "processed" food can do for weight loss and energy.
6. Reading and Writing - I am growing so much intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

The idea is that most of life's satisfactions will fall into place by practicing your core habits.  Step 4 in Kelly's system is Weekly Strategy Session, so that is next week.

There are other important habits, such as one on one time with kids, showing up to work on time, etc.  If a habit did not make the top of the list, that does not make them unimportant.  Instead, the core habits empower other important habits.

Back to simplicity.  In many circles, a lot is said about a "simple life" or "simplicity."  What is it?  Maybe it is it different things for different people.  For example, reducing the amount of your "stuff" is simplifying for someone.  Living in a small town, or on a farm, instead of a city for someone else.  One's simplicity may include chickens.  To me, chickens would add complexity, not simplicity.  Another may want to sleep in on Sundays.  We don't.  So, I'm wondering if simplicity includes "living life consistently with priorities and habits."  Something to think about.

Lack of disclosure:  I am working through this book on my own.  I found it at the library and found it intriguing enough to pursue and write about.  I am not affiliated with or being compensated by the author or publisher in any way.  If nothing else, now I have to go out and buy my own copy!

What Does a Campground Look Like in Winter? Outdoor Adventures

Memorial Day Weekend is coming up, the unofficial start of Summer, the kickoff of the Summer camping season.  With campgrounds full, and full of campers who come only in the summer, here is a twist - a look at the Indiana Dunes State Park Campground,

• When it is empty
• And covered with snow

Trying To Have a Nice Weekend

Saturday morning coffee with Darling Bride,
one of the best hours of the week

Darling Bride took her coffee from my hand an smiled.  "Cheers!" as we sat down together outside on our back patio/deck, Saturday, 7am.  A little cool outside, just right for Mid-May, just perfect for a coffee mini-date.

"What makes you happy?" she asks me.  We have been working through a problem.  How do we have nice weekends, a family enjoying each other's company, instead of an overbooked, overworked schedule?    While I think through that simple and profound question, she continues.  "Simple things like this.  I don't need Starbucks."

Sure enough, this was simple.  No fancy deck, we have a concrete patio with older decking a little farther along.  Old unsightly leaves were cleaned away last night.  Our coffee is from Costco, Sumatra, ground ourselves and brewed using a French Press.  Simply wonderful, a quiet hour together before the kids wake up.  After the kids wake up, today we have no outside commitments; no soccer, no baseball, no rehearsals, no meetings, nothing but whatever we want.

Searching for the perfect non-grocery store eggs
at the Carmel, Indiana Farmers Market

I answer her question.  "I like avoiding 'calendar clutter,'" so many items on a weekend schedule that free time is no longer free.  We have three active and intelligent kids, so we get busy quickly with art, dance, martial arts, youth groups, and more.  We also have our church and family commitments.  Fortunately, with the school year winding down, today we have a healthy mix:

• Breakfast as a family
• Farmer's Market
• The boys playing together
• Darling Bride, Daughter and I reading
• Wii games
• Favorite TV shows
• Church on Sunday, including 14 year old's graduation from Jr. High Youth Group to Sr. High Youth Group
• Youth choir rehearsal for 10 year old. 

We left out

• Soccer, baseball, organized sports
• A civil war re-enactment at our local living history museum
• A major national conference at our church
• Countless who knows what else

 Note - Having limited commitments helps keep what we do have as a joy, not "one more thing..."

We got yard work out of the way Friday between dinner and sundown so that we wouldn't be working too much instead of resting and playing.

We left out good things.  Living history, nationally known speakers at your own church are all good things, but not the best things for us more often than not.  We enjoy sports, but organized sports programs can really mess with a family's schedule.  Like many works of art, such as a sculpture, a painting, or an essay, what one leaves out is as important as what one puts in.  

Some, if not most, weekends are busy with camping trips, family events, home improvement, gardening, deadlines and commitments.  We were intentional about it not being so for this weekend, at least.  A simple thing.  Darling Bride and the rest of us slowing down.

How about you?  How was your weekend?  Do you have "calendar clutter?"  Are you in a position to take joy in the simple ebb and flow of family life?  What can you do about it?

Off Balance - A "Priority" Post

Quick!  What are your priorities, in order?

How easy is it to come up with a list?  Matthew Kelly in his book Off Balance - Getting Beyond the Work-Life Balance Myth to Personal and Professional Satisfaction asks his readers to compile a list as step 2 of his personal and professional satisfaction system.  Last week I assessed myself, finding areas of my life very satisfying and finding some areas for improvement.








This week I worked through the assignment of listing my priorities in order.  So, being the good Christian family man that I am, I did:

1. God
2. Wife
3. Children
4. Job
5. Me

Matthew Kelly's method takes this exercise much deeper and harder.  His challenge is for the reader to make a list of potential priorities.  That means a longer list of anything that might make the cut.  List them as they are thought of, in no other particular order:

• health
• Jennifer
• children
• extended family
• God, church, faith practice
• friends
• small group (could be part of church or faith practice, but I thought of it separately so I'll list it separately)
• vocation / career
• recreation

Next, give them rank.  Here's how.  Start with the top item on the list, health.  Compare health to each of the following items, Jennifer, children, extended family...  For each head to head comparison, put a check mark next to the winner.  In comparing health to Jennifer, Jennifer is more important, so she gets the check mark.  (Note that because I am presently healthy and 30 pounds lighter, I define health as something like "spending a lot of time training for a mini marathon, trialthalon, 100 mile bike tour, etc."  If I were were recovering from a heart attack, definition of health, and its priority, would be different).  Similarly, Ryan, Grace, and Trevor also get the check mark over health.  Health is more important than friends, though - have to maintain what I've got.  I finish the comparisons for health.

Next, Jennifer.  She goes head to head against children, (sorry, kids) and down the list.

Children, the same thing, all the way down to recreation.

Now, my list looks like this:

1. Jennifer - 8 checkmarks
2. children - 7
3. God - 6
4. vocation / career - 4
5. extended family - 3
6. health - 3

All else get zero checkmarks.  Not that they aren't important, just not the most important.

Well, it looks as if I'm going to get thrown out of every church men's breakfast this side of the reformation.  God, in third place!  Blasphemy!  What to do?

Fortunately, some of the detail in the book, along with my own ideas, can help.  How does some priorities enable and empower the others?  As it turns out, I strive to be influenced by God and His precepts in all areas of my life.  How I relate to my wife is dictated by God's revelation, the Bible.  Same for my kids, career, family, and so on.  For my kids, the most important thing they need is a father who loves and leads his wife.  For my career, they are influenced by may family.  I just cannot up and leave for a whitewater rafting tour guide job because I've got to be stable and reliable.  So, as expressed by influence, the final rank is:

1. God, faith, Bible
2. Jennifer
3. kids
4. vocation / career
5. health
6. extended family

At this point now, I've worked through two steps - identifying areas of satisfaction and areas to work on; and priorities.  With these in mind, the next step is to establish some core habits that, if practiced consistently, would lead to a more satisfying life.  That's my homework for next week.

What are your priorities, in order?

Indiana Dunes Interview - Outdoor Adventures

Trevor enjoying Indiana Dunes State Park Beach

For a homeschool project, our 10 year old son Trevor was to gather facts to write a report about a place.  The curriculum suggested encyclopedia research about a city or state.  Instead, we chose to have him interview me about Indiana Dunes State Park.

What is the early history of the Indiana Dunes?  Who discovered it?

American Indians originally lived there.  During the 1600s European colonization era, French fur traders, including one by the name Marquette, traveled and traded extensively in the area.  Northwest Indiana is connected to the Atlantic Ocean by the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence Seaway.

Why did people first go there?

Around the turn of the 20th Century, some who lived in Chicago would travel by train to the Indiana Dunes area for hiking, picnicing, nature study, and landscape painting.  At the same time, industry - particularly steel mills - realized that the sand and water made the region ideal for factories and mills.  

How did it become a city or state park?

Industry and nature preservation became a fight for the dunes.  For example, in 1915 Bethlehem Steel destroyed a place called Central Dune.  As the debate intensified, Indiana was fortunately beginning to establish its State Park system.  In 1925, Indiana Dunes State Park was established.  One of the dunes in the park, Mt. Jackson, is named in honor of Governor Jackson, in office at the time the park was established.

What important events have happened there?

"Strength and Beauty along the South Shore
Line", John Rush, 1998 (lithograph), scan of back
cover of "Moonlight in Duneland,"
Indiana University Press,
http://iupress.indiana.edu

Dr. Henry Cowles of the University of Chicago would lead his students to the Dunes area to study the extensive variety of plant life.  This area has more plant species diversity than all but 4 of America's national parks.  This study led to the creation of a new discipline, ecology.  Indiana Dunes is often called the "birthplace of ecology."


What is it like now?


Northwest Indiana is an unusual compromise of industry and nature.  The undisturbed areas are beautiful.  By contrast, steel mills are visible during walks on the beach.  Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore was established in 1966, setting aside more land for preservation.  Over 1 million visitors come each year, mostly for the beaches.  Little do they know the rich history and natural wonder of the area.  Growing up there, I certainly did not.  It is regrettable that my science teachers failed to capitalize on this opportunity.

In my opinion, the Indiana Dunes area is as valuable as any other state or natural area in the country.

Mother's Day Dirt Cheap 2012

Somebody's got to do the heavy lifting!

"I want dirt," Darling Bride told me.  We were discussing Mother's Day last week.  During the past several months she and I talked about finch feeders and ice cream makers.  Now that gardening season is well underway, the decision was made.  "Installed."

Proof positive that we practice green gardening.

So, leading up to Mother's Day, we got ready to get our garden caught up to speed.  We are behind in planting.  Having pulled weeds a couple of Saturdays ago, we laid grass clippings in the walkways and waited for Saturday.  That afternoon, the kids and I took Darling Bride to Home Depot, got top soil, peat moss, and sand, and set up shop in our garden area.

We love raised bed gardens.  At a previous residence, we got wood, assembled boxes, and set them up.  Now we are re-purposing some items (reduce, reuse, recycle).  We have our old sandbox and a gifted kid's wading pool.  Last year we turned the sandbox into a raised garden.  This year we drilled holes in the pool and "installed" the dirt.  A layer of sand, a layer of topsoil, then peat moss, more sand, topsoil, and peat moss to top.

Supervisor on duty.

We planted cabbage, cherry tomatoes, and beans.  We also have assorted herbs, and catnip.  Darling Daughter maintains the garden.

Now we wait for the seeds to grow.

It was a great Mother's Day because we all were able to give what she really wanted, our garden (almost) up to date.  Now if only the seeds will grow...

Off Balance by Matthew Kelly - a Book Report Part 1

What can you and I do to increase the level of personal and professional satisfaction over the next 90 days?

A purpose of this blog is to consider the realities of living today's complex life at home and on the job and making it all work out.  So then, how exciting a couple of Saturdays ago to find at our local library, Off Balance by Matthew Kelly?!  Its subtitle is "getting beyond the work-life balance myth to personal and professional satisfaction."

As it turns out, my thoughts are not too different than Kelly's writings, although he does it better.  My idea is that continuous improvement in one or more of our roles and responsibilities (whatever appears most important at the time) helps us in all areas of our life.  By contrast, Off Balance explains how satisfaction is not found in making sure you have "balance," such as keeping to 40 hour work weeks in order to spend quality time with your family and hobbies.  Instead, satisfaction is found in evaluating where you are right now in terms of satisfaction, then engaging in a prioritizing and implementing plan to increase your satisfaction.  By prioritizing what's most important and eliminating what's not, increased personal and professional satisfaction is attainable.

I have taken the evaluation questionnaires found in the book, and also online at the consulting firm behind the book, www.floydconsulting.com.  The exercise goes beyond the score and helps identify opportunities to increase specific areas.  For example, I found that I may increase my satisfaction if I:

• Hold on loosely to weekend camping trips.  Don't worry about weather.  If a trip is cancelled, there are plenty of enjoyable alternatives at home.
• Set aside time developing my interests in creative writing.
• Take initiative to resolve communication and professional relationship issues at the office within my sphere of influence.

The next step is to set priorities.  What are the most important things in my life?  Work?  Family?  Faith?  How do they relate to one another?  That's the project I'm working on now and will report on next week.

What can you and I do to increase the level of personal and professional satisfaction over the next 90 days?